Updated: Jul 11, 2022
Ask for help!
One of the biggest turnarounds for me in my healing was asking for help.
We should expect people to help us, to wait for them to offer - that’s what our ego tells us - that other people ‘should just know what we want or need’.
I did this for years which meant disappointment, resentment, anger and frustration.
Because I wasn’t feeling seen.
I wasn’t feeling considered.
Being a martyr doesn’t help anyone.
We are conditioned by society and the older generations to suck it up and get on with it.
That there is some sort of pride to be had in struggling because ‘that’s what life is and we’ve all done it.’
The race to the bottom.
Well, let me tell you that babies are ‘born earlier than expected’ and this happened because a community helped support the mother while she nursed her baby.
There is plenty of evidence for this.
Pre-agricultural revolution, sex was a way to have our social needs met and create bonding in a tribe/community. So you know what that meant?
That we didn’t know who the father was to a baby. So we all had to help the mother to ensure the baby survived. (Sex At Dawn by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá).
I used to worry that people would say yes but not really want to. Well now I know about boundaries, I ask them to respect their own. Their boundaries are their responsibility and if they have said ‘yes’ then they have self-responsibility to how they then react to helping you. It isn’t your responsibility.
So if you need a hand, ask for help.
If they say ‘no’, it isn’t about you, they are putting their own boundaries in place. So ask someone else. Until someone says yes.
You deserve support.
You are powerful.
You are powerfully vulnerable.
You know what you need.
Don’t be afraid to ask for it.
Carla Crivaro is a trauma-informed and certified Sex, Love & Relationship Coach, she works with men and women internationally to reach their goals in delicious sex, profound love and authentic relationships. Carla helps men and women understand themselves and each other, sexually and relationally, in and out of the bedroom. You can reach her at email@example.com.