I am trained in a 'Tantric' approach to sexuality. What that means is that I work with clients to uncover their shadows and look at the different ‘parts’ that they have inside of themselves and how they are blocking themselves from moving forward. You may be aware of the ‘inner-child’ or ‘sub-personalities’ - this is parts work. You’ve probably all heard Carl Jung’s famous quote “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” Carl Jung was an avid reader of the Eastern philosophical texts (of which Classical Tantra is a part) and most of his thinking is presumed (and can be seen) to come from there. The Tantric approach is looking at our judgements, exploring our shame, analysing our low vibration emotions and taking them as our teachers. Because you are manifesting the life that you want. All the time. And by that I mean, as long as you allow your unconscious to remain unconscious, those unconscious parts of you which come from childhood wounding, ego stories, trauma, etc, you will continue to draw in those same experiences which cause you pain and discomfort. So how does this relate to sex, love and relationships? As a woman, your sexuality is your strength. Take a moment to think of the messages we regularly receive around our sexuality or the judgements we make on other women. ‘She’s a slut’. ‘She got what she asked for’. ‘She’ll never get a husband acting that way’. ‘She’s only with him for the money.’ I want to invite you to explore the history behind this and why this shadow part of our female collective has to move away from competition to collaboration. And why as women, we need to return to our sexuality.
There is evidence to suggest that in ancient times, High Priestesses in the temples were seen as powerful. Via sex, men were able to reach heightened states of consciousness and to have a glimpse at enlightenment. In exchange, men would bring gifts to the temple and make financial contributions. The patriarchy demonised these women (because of their power). Now you will know a woman who exchanges sex for money is called a prostitute - and she is not viewed with respect.
Up until the middle ages women were powerful midwives and healers. They could live independently without shame. During the Burning Times women were called witches, the patriarchy set us up to be wary of each other, to create competition, to create mistrust. The Romans said ‘divide et impera’, which means ‘divide and conquer’, because if we are fighting each other and mistrust each other, we are easier to control.
For centuries we understood that our power lies in our sexuality. We lost that wisdom but with Eastern philosophy making a big impact in the west, we are returning to this. In Taoism the Jing energy, which is sexual energy, is seen as powerful and is converted into Chi (life force energy). When you explore the modern approach to the Chakra system, our sexuality and creativity are located in the same Chakra, the Sacral. So much wisdom for us here! Access to our sexuality is also accessing our creativity.
Let’s not forget pleasure. As women we have been trained to take the responsibility for everyone, to ‘put up with’ people and situations, to ‘fit in’, to be a ‘good girl’. We put everyone before us all the time. Tapping into your pleasure, whether that be through dance and movement, mindful eating, sex, massage… the options are endless… Tuning into your pleasure, you are teaching your nervous system that you are worthy and deserving of the sex, love and relationships that you so desire. And if you feel like you need permission to think of yourself and have desires, here it is, I give you that permission!
So how to take this information moving forward?
Know that when you shine your light and step into your fullest expression of self, all of it, including your sexuality, you give other women permission to shine their light too.
My invitation to you is to explore your shadows and judgements around other women - use them as your teachers on where your growth in your sexuality is wanting to be nourished.
Where are you people-pleasing and self-abandoning to hold onto relationships and situations that no longer serve you? Learn to love yourself.
How can you bring more pleasure into your life?
You deserve it and I want the best for you!
Carla Crivaro is a trauma-informed and certified Sex, Love & Relationship Coach, she works with men and women internationally to reach their goals in delicious sex, profound love and authentic relationships. Carla helps men and women understand themselves and each other, sexually and relationally, in and out of the bedroom. You can reach her at firstname.lastname@example.org.