When I first heard about the inner-child and was told I would be meeting her, my first impression was that she was going to pissed. Fiery and angry. Like a storm of repressed emotion.
Up to that point I had understood that a lot of my behaviours, my inability to cope with life (even the small things like baking with my boys), my low self-esteem, my anxious attachment and needing to chase the wrong relationships, all of it and more, was down to childhood wounding. And I resented my parents for it. I blamed them. I was ‘stuck’. I felt sorry for myself. A victim of my past. I knew where my issues came from but couldn’t figure out how to move forward from them. I felt trapped.
So of course, I thought my inner-child would be experiencing the same.
When I saw her she was sat in the sunshine, swinging her legs, looking over at me and waving with a huge welcoming smile. She hopped down from the wall on the street where she grew up and took me inside. The room was a dance studio and she was wearing a pink tutu. It had always been a dream of mine to be a dancer but due to my parents’ work they had never had the time to take me to lessons. As we walked in, she took my hand and invited me to dance. She danced so beautifully and although no words came from her, I intuitively knew she was inviting me to enjoy life. To dance. To embrace life. I realised in that moment that I had spent so much time living in the past. I was also waiting to be happy in the future when something would happen to make me happy.
And I cried.
I cried for the years I had wasted resenting my parents. Resenting my life. Resenting the friends who hadn’t shown me the friendship I deserved. I cried for what could have been if I had lived with a better attitude.
As I write this the tears still flow.
And there, I committed to my inner-child to carve out a new future.
To find the fun.
To laugh more.
To have my children teach me what it means to connect to the child within us.
To laugh crazily from the belly.
To follow the impulses of my body.
To trust.
To trust myself and to trust that I can be the parent to my inner-child.
That she doesn’t need to feel lonely anymore.
That she belongs.
That I am always here for her.
That she is loved.
Carla Crivaro is a trauma-informed and certified Sex, Love & Relationship Coach, she works with men and women internationally to reach their goals in delicious sex, profound love and authentic relationships. Carla helps men and women understand themselves and each other, sexually and relationally, in and out of the bedroom. You can reach her at hello@carlacrivaro.com.