Eight points to consider when looking for love: Get clear on your values When engaging in online dating and apps, it’s really important to get clear on what it is you are actually looking for. What are your values in dating? Are you looking for hook ups or something casual or are you looking for a lifelong partner and having children? What your intentions are when it comes to dating will help you stay on track. Be open-minded Although it’s important to know what your end goal is, it’s also good to go onto dating apps with an open mind as to who you might meet. Although the next person you date might not end up being the mother or father of your future children, if you get on and become friends, they can potentially be the person who introduces you to your future wife or husband. Show interest in them Entering the dating world with curiosity is really important. Being interested in the other person and wanting to understand them at a deeper level of how they view the world and what their values are is important in seeing if they are someone that aligns with your visions of a future relationship. The problem with chemistry Be mindful of situations where it’s love at first sight. Quite often that strong initial chemistry is a sign of past wounding and trauma that our nervous system looks to repeat because it feels ‘familiar’. So if you find yourself in relationships which repeat the same patterns and a different man/woman but same scenario, it’s important to take a look at your own behaviours and how you allowing and attracting the same time of people into your life which is the same disappointment. Are they curious about you? If you’re looking for longevity in a relationship then pay attention to how interested the person is in getting to know you. Are they curious about who you are and what makes you tick? Someone who is in it for the long haul will want to connect to you at a deeper level and will ask questions to really get to know you. Difficult conversations Can you engage in uncomfortable or difficult conversations? Many people leave the topic of sex and their likes and dislikes. Even if you aren’t planning on jumping into bed on the first date, being able to communicate around sex in a mature way will determine how well they communicate around other topics too. Boundaries If a person respects you, they will respect your boundaries and your ‘no’. If you feel like you are making concessions very often or adapting who you are to ‘fit in’ to their idea of what they want you to be then this could be a sign that you are people-pleasing and self-abandoning. Once you start this pattern of behaviour it’s difficult to go back. You also run the risk of being in a relationship with someone who may not always treat you in the healthier of ways. Trust their actions If what they do is different to what they say, trust their actions over their words. Yes, sometimes mistakes can be made or external factors can come in and affect our day. However, if you’re finding that the person is frequently saying one thing and doing another, go with what they are doing and ask yourself do you want to be continually treated in this way.
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