Differences Between Men & Women In Sex, Love & Relationships

I thought I’d share insight into some of the things clients, workshop attendees, colleagues, friends and family share with me about their worries and concerns when it comes to sex, love and relationships.

Things that men worry about in sex, love and relationships

  • Worry about being liked on their first date

  • Ask themselves if they’re good enough

  • Worry if they are attractive enough

  • That she might not like me when she gets to see the ‘real me’

  • Ask themselves if they are ‘too much’

  • Wondering if in dating they should be texting frequently to show interest or infrequently so that the woman doesn’t think they’re desperate

  • Their performance in the bedroom

  • What they look like naked

  • Question whether their new partner is actually interested or waiting for someone ‘better’ to come along

  • Fear of abandonment manifesting in jealous behaviours and insecurity

  • If they are single and have children how that will affect their ability to find a relationship

  • Concern about being compared to past partners in the bedroom and generally in the relationship

  • Fear of messing up and losing the person he loves

  • Asking themselves if a woman will accept their flaws

  • Asking themselves why they have to put more effort in than women do

  • Feeling obliged to have sex when they don’t want to

  • Worrying if she is over her ex

  • Worrying about being too open and vulnerable after being hurt in previous relationships

  • Wondering if she’s being honest and faithful

  • Asking ‘am I there for entertainment or is she really interested?’

  • Concerned that he might become too attached and lose himself in the relationship

  • If I’m emotionally vulnerable will I get hurt?

  • Does the woman find them sexy and desirable

  • That it would be nice if the other person initiated sex sometimes

  • That it would be nice to be the one to initiate sex sometimes

  • That she’s looking for superficial attention to feel better about herself

  • That she is dating multiple men and you are number 3 on the list

  • Wondering if his technique is good or she’s just trying to make him feel good about himself

  • Wondering if his genitals are attractive

  • Wondering if he smells

  • Worried about being seen as needy and weak if opening up about his emotions

  • Worry about committing to a woman in case they let her down later on or can’t be what she needs/deserves

  • Can I trust them or will I get hurt like in the past?

  • Women only being interested in them because they’re attractive

  • Women coming onto them strongly because they’re attractive and not taking ‘no’ for an answer

  • Assuming just because you get on well with a woman that you want to have a relationship with them


Things that women worry about in sex, love and relationships

  • Worry about being liked on their first date

  • Ask themselves if they’re good enough

  • Worry if they are attractive enough

  • That he might not like me when he gets to see the ‘real me’

  • Ask themselves if they are ‘too much’

  • Wondering if in dating they should be texting frequently to show interest or infrequently so that the man doesn’t think they’re desperate

  • Their performance in the bedroom

  • What they look like naked

  • Question whether their new partner is actually interested or waiting for someone ‘better’ to come along

  • Fear of abandonment manifesting in jealous behaviours and insecurity

  • If they are single and have children how that will affect their ability to find a relationship

  • Concern about being compared to past partners in the bedroom and generally in the relationship

  • Fear of messing up and losing the person she loves

  • Asking themselves if a man will accept their flaws

  • Asking themselves why they have to put more effort in than men do

  • Feeling obliged to have sex when they don’t want to

  • Worrying if he is over his ex

  • Worrying about being too open and vulnerable after being hurt in previous relationships

  • Wondering if he’s being honest and faithful

  • Asking ‘am I there for entertainment or is he really interested?’

  • Concerned that she might become too attached and lose herself in the relationship

  • If I’m emotionally vulnerable will I get hurt?

  • Does the man find them sexy and desirable

  • That it would be nice if the other person initiated sex sometimes

  • That it would be nice to be the one to initiate sex sometimes

  • That he’s looking for superficial attention to feel better about himself

  • That he is dating multiple women and you are number 3 on the list

  • Wondering if her technique is good or he’s just trying to make her feel good about herself

  • Wondering if her genitals are attractive

  • Wondering if she smells

  • Worried about being seen as needy and weak if opening up about her emotions

  • Worry about committing to a man in case they let him down later on or she can’t be what he needs/deserves

  • Can I trust them or will I get hurt like in the past?

  • Men only being interested in them because they’re attractive

  • Men coming onto them strongly because they’re attractive and not taking ‘no’ for an answer

  • Assuming just because you get on well with a man that you want to have a relationship with them

As men and women, how we feel about ourselves and how we are perceived is pretty much the same. I find very little, if any difference to how a man feels compared to a woman. What I do know is different is the social conditioning. That women have the fortune to grow up being able to express themselves, talk about their emotions together and have a cry if they want to. Men have the fortune to grow up with the social impression that their decisions are often ‘rational’ and ‘just’, when in fact they are often behaving from a place of hurt too.


We are more similar than we think.


Next time you look in the eyes of the opposite sex I invite you to tell yourself ‘they feel the same as me’. This compassion for another human being makes their behaviour less about ‘us’ and our worth and more about understanding that everyone is doing the best they can with the layers of conditioning they have covering them.



Carla Crivaro is a trauma-informed and certified Sex, Love & Relationship Coach, she works with men and women internationally to reach their goals in delicious sex, profound love and authentic relationships. Carla helps men and women understand themselves and each other, sexually and relationally, in and out of the bedroom. You can reach her at hello@carlacrivaro.com.

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