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Healing In Layers

Updated: Jul 11, 2022

I’ve said it before that healing comes in ‘layers’. That’s there’s always something new to discover and learn from.

I had been requested to help out with something and I had said yes, but due to childcare I said I could come but would need to bring my children with me. I immediately started writing ‘why’. To justify and explain. To ensure that they understood I was interested in helping, I wasn’t being selfish. I had valid reasons to bring my children. I wasn’t making excuses.

I started writing.

Then I suddenly realised.


This is a condition that is perfectly reasonable for me to state. I don’t need to explain. I don’t need to justify.

I always used to feel like I had to apologise for things. For being too much. For not being generous enough with my time. I used to feel guilty if I couldn’t help out with something and I would change my diary and life to be able to do it - at the expense of myself or my family. For the need to be liked. For the need to be understood. For the need to be recognised as a nice person. Because somewhere deep down I was worried I might not be a nice person. Or I might be viewed as not nice. So I would either do it. Or apologise for being me. Or sometimes both.

Along my healing journey, learning to love myself, learning to recognise those familiar thought trains, I’ve recognised them as they happen. As you could see above, it can still be on autopilot to start - but the healing can be in recognising it.

So if you see yourself jumping into thought patterns, congratulate yourself - because you noticed.

You recognised it and stopped it.

And that’s what it means to be healing.

That’s progress!

Carla Crivaro is a trauma-informed and certified Sex, Love & Relationship Coach, she works with men and women internationally to reach their goals in delicious sex, profound love and authentic relationships. Carla helps men and women understand themselves and each other, sexually and relationally, in and out of the bedroom. You can reach her at


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