People Aren't Toxic And They Aren't Narcissists

Updated: Jul 11

Take a breath. What I’m about to share you may find triggering.


Take a seat, take a breath, open your heart, without judgement.


Here goes…

I don’t believe we should label people as ‘toxic’.


I don’t think we should call people ‘narcissists.’


After exploring aspects of the shadow self this week in my posts, you will be aware that what we are able to see in others is a reflection of what we either have or are capable of displaying in ourselves.


So let that sink in.


Yes, YOU are capable of displaying narcissistic behaviour.


Because a narcissist or toxic person is a wounded person.


They have been wounded to such an extent that their means of defence is attack via gaslighting and bullying.


Removing the label isn’t excusing them. In fact, it removes any excuse of the behaviour away. Because if it’s behaviour based on wounding the person has the possibility to change.

If they choose to.


I talked last week about being the victim can lead to toxic behaviour.


It’s a choice to move away from that mentality.


Giving people labels disempowers them. And by disempowering, I mean removes any responsibility or accountability for their actions.


Giving them a label disempowers you. It puts you in the state of victim if you have been mistreated by them. Whereas if you view them as a wounded person, it isn’t about you. Their behaviour is a reflection of them and how they feel about themselves. So you can take away the personal aspect of it. The feeling of something ‘being wrong with you’. You can empower yourself to see their behaviour for what it is.


Giving them labels justifies their behaviour. Everyone can change. At any age. They just need to want to.


Let’s make people accountable and responsible for their behaviours.


We all have choices.


Carla Crivaro is a trauma-informed and certified Sex, Love & Relationship Coach, she works with men and women internationally to reach their goals in delicious sex, profound love and authentic relationships. Carla helps men and women understand themselves and each other, sexually and relationally, in and out of the bedroom. You can reach her at hello@carlacrivaro.com.


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