10 Tips To Creating A Better Relationship With Your Pussy

Updated: Jul 11


How often do you take a look at yourself in the mirror? I don’t mean before a night out. I mean, a hand mirror and looking down at your own vulva. Do you know what she looks like? Could you describe if the inner labia hang inside or outside the outer labia? If they are different lengths? What’s the colour? Have you noticed the variation in colour for different parts?


What about when she’s aroused? Have you seen the difference in size, shape and colour?

I would say that most of you maybe looked once or twice in your life. I imagine, as the Guardian article suggests (link to the article at the end), most of you feel a certain element of discomfort. I know I did. I’ve written about it before. (You can search in the group for more posts about my developing relationship with my yoni. (Yoni is the Sanskrit word for vulva and vagina).


The thing is, if we are so disconnected from our vulvas the very representation of womanhood, how can we possibly sexually thrive? How can we possibly love ourselves completely if we are ashamed by a particular part of our body?


Coming back to self-love, to every part of our womanhood and working through the difficult emotions and feelings we have around the lady between our legs is essential for us to be able to lead fulfilling lives - in every way.


I spent a lot of the summer working on my self-love for my body. Especially my vulva. My goal in the summer had been ‘I want to unapologetically express my authentic sexual self’, and to do that, I needed to have a deep connection to that part of me that is where my authentic sexual self resides - my pussy!


This completely new connection to my vulva has meant that I have a confidence and love for her that I didn’t have previously. So much am I convinced by the power of self-love and self-healing starting with your yoni, that the major I have chosen for my course, which I’m currently studying, is the use of the Jade Egg. The Jade Egg is a Taoist practice which works with sexual energy (Jing) to give you more Chi (life force energy) - this is an extremely summarised version of what it entails (I’ll write another post explaining more in depth about the Jade Egg). I chose this major because I understood the value and saw in my own growth the importance of being fully connected to and loving of our post intimate and beautiful part of us.


Now I’ve shared my reasons why it’s important and because the article does as well, you may be wondering where to start.


I’m going to share the practices which have helped me the most with building a more loving and trusting relationship with my vulva and what you can do to achieve the same…


  • Jade Egg Practices

  • Dancing naked in front of the mirror to connect to your feminine essence and sexuality

  • Looking at your vulva daily and saying affirmations to her

  • Writing to your vulva apologising for all the times you let her down eg letting someone penetrate before you were ready, speaking badly of her, forcing her to orgasm, frustrated because she doesn’t orgasm, etc

  • Writing a commitment to your vulva of the relationship you want to have with her

  • If you have a partner asking them for 3 minutes to do yoni worship - I will admit this is extremely uncomfortable the first few times you do it. Your partner doesn’t know what to say. You feel like an idiot with your legs open and your partner speaking to your pussy. However! Where there is discomfort, there is growth. What sort of things can he/she say? What he/she likes about her, compliment the colour, texture, shape, how she feels when she/he’s inside the vagina, what pleasure she brings to him/her. Once you have done this a few times and get ‘used to it’, you will notice your vulva start to swell - she likes the compliment!

  • Use the pronoun ‘her’. ‘It’ is impersonal and creates the disconnection (I invite non-binary folx to choose a pronoun that creates connection)

  • Meditating and focusing your attention on connecting to your heart space and vulva sending love and healing light from your heart to your vulva

  • Creating a ritual for your vulva where you can burn your ‘old relationship’ to her and write down a new commitment

  • Doing self-pleasure practices where you are looking to 'listen' to the needs of your pussy. This is around consent, how she wants to be touched, etc and honouring her voice.

These are just some ideas to get you started.


Let me know how you get on in the comments. It’s all welcome here. The discomfort, the anger, the shame… I promise that if you have felt it someone else will be feeling it or has in the past.


If you have anything that you like to do to connect to your pussy, let me know in the comments!


Here's the article from The Guardian that inspired this post.


Carla Crivaro is a trauma-informed and certified Sex, Love & Relationship Coach, she works with men and women internationally to reach their goals in delicious sex, profound love and authentic relationships. Carla helps men and women understand themselves and each other, sexually and relationally, in and out of the bedroom. You can reach her at hello@carlacrivaro.com.



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