Have you ever tried affirmations? Speaking into the mirror and telling yourself something over and over again, encouraging yourself to believe it? Hoping that you are going to get some major breakthrough and that your life is about to change? And then… Nothing.
FORGET MINDSET, IT'S ABOUT THE BODY-MIND
It’s a really common idea that you ‘just need to change the way you think and be more positive’ to get what you want or to change your life around. Although the rational part of our brain sees that it makes total sense for us to want to have that goal, such as delicious sex, profound love and authentic relationships, there are other parts of us which are holding us back and we don’t even realise it. Welcome to the body-mind!
I trained in the trauma-informed, VITA™ coaching method which is a somatic approach to coaching (working with the body and nervous system). I can use it for a variety of goals from having an orgasm to getting clear on what your relationship objectives are. It is possible to use it no matter what your gender identity. For most people reading a 'somatic approach’ won’t mean a lot so let me strip right back and give you some examples of how this coaching works.
As we were growing up we learnt a lot of behaviours that we used with the intention of wanting to feel ‘safe’, ‘loved’ and sense of ‘belonging’. Our bodies learnt to react in a particular way to situations and began to create patterns around what worked for us. For example if we had really invasive parents we would likely have learnt to ‘shut down’ and avoid, as the intrusion into our lives felt overwhelming. The problem is in adult life, this can be affecting your ability to be intimate with another.
When exploring your body and genitals as a child you may have been interrupted by a caregiver and shamed for touching yourself. This shame you carried with you and has then affected your ability to experience pleasure which could affect your ability to get or keep an erection as a man, or a woman may struggle to reach orgasm. As an adult these patterns are preventing us from having fulfilling sexual relationships with other humans and then the cycle of shame continues... but this time from a feeling of being ‘broken’.
SO WHAT DOES A SESSION 'LOOK LIKE'?
Well it’s a desire based approach. We are more likely to be successful in looking forwards and achieving a desire than looking back and trying to uncover past issues. So in the sessions I invite you to really tune into what you want for yourself and really give yourself permission to be as selfish as you want. Not what your parents think, not what your friends think you should have, not how to please a partner or child if you have them. What do YOU really want. Have you ever given yourself the ‘permission’ to want something, just for you?
Connecting to the body, we then explore and understand what patterns, belief systems, sub-personalities, stories, conditioning are currently playing a part in your life. We then work to create acceptance and integrate that part. You may have heard of the phrase ‘what you resist, persists’ so finding a way to integrate the part of us that has been working to protect us or keep us safe is really important. Confronting and embracing our fears is what will enable us to work through them and not allow them to have power over us.
PRACTICE OUTSIDE THE SESSIONS
My commitment is to see you succeed in reaching your desires. To do that requires commitment from you too. Every client gets practices or actions to do as ‘home assignments’. To make lasting changes to our nervous system we need to repeat the new narrative in our bodies until finally our body accepts this as true. Depending on how embedded a belief system is can depend on how long it takes to work through it. This is why I have an application process and offer a compatibility call as it’s really important to me to know that the people I’m working with are ready to make a change.
HOW TO DECIDE IF THIS COACHING IS FOR ME
For more information about this coaching and if it is suitable for you, we need to have a call first. You are welcome to ask any questions you have to understand if coaching is right for you. Before applying for a call I invite you to check first if you meet the qualities I expect from the people I work with:
- Committed to your growth
- Wiling to be challenged
- Fun to work with
- Willing to be held accountable
- Determined to reach your goals
If this is you then email me to book your call email@example.com.