The Path To Your Feminine Power - Your Pussy!

Updated: Jul 11

The path to your feminine power is between your legs! Your pussy!


***Note to new readers. The use of the word ‘pussy’ can be really triggering and generally is seen as a derogatory term to the lady herself and is also used as an insult to others. If you notice discomfort reading the word, I invite you to notice what is coming up for you. Self-awareness is key to unlocking conditioning and patterns that can be holding you back in all areas of your life. I have written about my own discomfort around the word ‘pussy’ and working to overcome it. Please look in the blog, search ‘pussy’ and you can read about some of my own journey.***


I used to say that I have never really had any body image issues. I’ve never worried too much about my weight, even when I was heavier. I didn’t obsess too much over my short legs. I’m reasonably comfortable with the flappy skin around my belly button from carrying two babies. There have been thoughts of, ‘it would be nicer if…’ but never a real obsession.

So when I started my training to be a Sex, Love & Relationship Coach back in January I was surprised to learn that I found female genitalia… repulsive. We were invited to explore our relationship with male, female and intersex genitalia and how we felt about it, notice any sensations that arise, thoughts, emotions, stories…



I felt absolute disgust. And I was shocked by this. After all, I’m the owner of a pussy myself.

About a month later, we were invited in the course to look at our pussies in the mirror. I can recall now the feeling of ickiness, shame and disgust at my lady parts staring back at me.

Another few weeks later reading The Anatomy of Arousal we were again encouraged to take another look, this time at various stages of arousal. Again - horror at what was staring back at me. How was my husband able to go down there?!


I realised that this was an issue and through various practices, I began to explore the stories I had regarding my pussy.


I discovered that from a Catholic upbringing and badly done sex education at school, I had learnt that my pussy was a source of shame. As a woman I was being punished for Eve’s misdemeanours by releasing blood every 28 days. My pussy was the gateway to hell. The temptress to leading men astray. Dangerous.


I also learnt from the discomfort of those around me that female genitals were dirty. Boys at school often commented on the smell of their girlfriends. Red marks on black underwear (actually a sign of a healthy, acidic vagina which has ‘bleached’ the underwear!) were ridiculed. Pubic hair was shamed and considered dirty and we were told by teenage boys who watched porn that we should remove it all to look like a pre-pubescent child.

There was the medical profession too, not honouring my body. Not asking for consent. Not considering my pussy’s needs as important.


I had been told that via my pussy I could catch herpes, gonorrhoea and other shameful infections. I was told that she was to be kept hidden and saved for one special man in the future.


No one had ever talked about her pleasure. How to touch her. How to connect with this part of me.


Through the tools of our course I began sitting with these thoughts and emotions, recognising that all of these stories about my body weren’t mine. They weren’t for me to keep and I could change the narrative if I wanted to. I sat with loving acceptance for all the shame, the disgust and repulsion. I didn’t judge what came up. I held it compassionately.


With love.


In the summer, I read Mama Gena’s book. And being the good student, I decided to commit to improving my relationship with my pussy. First by using the word ‘pussy’ and second, my showing her love.


So I bought myself a pussy mirror. A beautiful handheld mirror. I wanted something special and unique to honour this part of my body, to reconnect. To let the shame dissipate.

Every morning, I look at my pussy and say ‘Hello beautiful.’ Every night before bed I say ‘Goodnight gorgeous’.


I’ll be honest. Initially I felt like a bit of an idiot - mixed with feelings of disgust. It was quite an experience of emotions! However, within a week or two I began to notice my feelings towards my pussy change. Rather than disgust, there was an element of curiosity. Of reverence for what she has been through and also disappointment in how I allowed her to be treated in the past.


Connecting to this part of me, that is the essence of my feminine self, reignited in me a love for myself. For my whole self. For my womanhood. For the part of me that is in fact the gateway to creation, the gateway to birth, the gateway to pleasure, the gateway to more self-love, the gateway to my turn on, the gateway to my sexuality, the gateway to coming home.

I was returning to who I was at the very core. A sexual woman, creative, strong, joyful, playful and ready to live all of life.


Instead of shame there was pride. The disgust was replaced by awe. The horror was replaced with acceptance (I am still working through conditioning so not quite reached the feeling of expansion and joy).


In dedication to my pussy and to push myself out of my comfort zone around this part of my body, I walked into a silversmith’s and asked if he made bespoke jewellery. Because… I would like earrings which represented the vulva. He was shocked, taken aback and a little bit shy but he made them. And here they are in the photo. Being reflected to you by my pussy mirror.


So here she is! The path to my feminine power - my pussy! (Well, at least a representation!)


How do you feel about the word pussy? (All comments very much welcome!)

What word do you use to refer to your pussy?

Do you have any body image issues?

Have you ever looked at your pussy in the mirror?

Do you talk to your pussy?

What came up for you reading this?

Let me know in the comments!


Carla Crivaro is a trauma-informed and certified Sex, Love & Relationship Coach, she works with men and women internationally to reach their goals in delicious sex, profound love and authentic relationships. Carla helps men and women understand themselves and each other, sexually and relationally, in and out of the bedroom. You can reach her at hello@carlacrivaro.com.

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