Why You Don't Have Desires In Or Outside The Bedroom

Updated: Jul 11

I ask clients to fill out a self-assessment form, with me when we start one of my coaching packages. It’s interesting, because quite often, what they say they have come to me for and what they actually have missing in their lives are two different things.


When a client scores ‘low’ on their self-assessment form regarding how orgasmic they feel day-to-day, or how satisfied they are with the sex they are getting or how much self-love they have and I address it with them, they don’t realise it and have unconsciously made the decision that it isn’t important.


What I have come to realise is when we don’t allow ourselves to have desires in and outside of the bedroom…

  • we are ‘settling’ because of low self-worth and low self-love

  • desire requires action and there is a fear of changing and exploring our pain points

  • wanting something outside of our current lives can be ‘leaving others behind’ so we no longer ‘fit into’ our current relationships with partners/friends/family

  • fear of judgement from others to do better such as ‘who does he/she think he/she is’

  • as a society we have a ‘race to the bottom’ mentality.

Through the coaching process which is a body-mind approach we explore how those blockages have been created over the years to ‘protect’ the client from not receiving love, safety or a sense of belonging. Their nervous system and this part of them has literally negated that this ‘lack’ exists and that it is even important.


I’m here to tell you that it is.

  • You deserve better.

  • I am here to witness and hold space for you as you explore those pain points- you won’t be doing it alone.

  • ‘Leaving others behind’ opens up space for more beautiful relationships and experiences which expand your heart, increase even more your self-worth and bring you to a feeling of abundance and empowerment.

  • You can live your best life and shine your light. When you shine your light you are giving others permission to do the same.

Become that beacon!


Carla Crivaro is a trauma-informed and certified Sex, Love & Relationship Coach, she works with men and women internationally to reach their goals in delicious sex, profound love and authentic relationships. Carla helps men and women understand themselves and each other, sexually and relationally, in and out of the bedroom. You can reach her at hello@carlacrivaro.com.

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