Updated: Jul 11
I’m a Sex, Love & Relationship Coach and I was NOT expecting to be supporting people with anxiety. Yes, I know many have it. I hadn't realised though to what extent it was creating blockages for people.
I had debilitating anxiety for years and worked through it. So well that I would say I don’t have it anymore. If a situation arises which might trigger an anxious state then I have tools to work through it. I am now able to live in a state of trust, joy and peace.
Anxiety is a huge obstacle to authentically expressing yourself in sex, love and relationships.
Anxiety puts you in a fight or flight mode, ready to escape from the impending danger and doom. So your nervous system is more concerned with keeping you safe and you surviving than looking for pleasure in sex, or building emotionally intimate relationships with a partner or partners.
Because if your goal is to have better orgasms or to have them from clitoral stimulation (without a vibrator which forces an orgasm) then you need to be in your body. The thing is, if you have anxiety, your body doesn’t feel safe to you, so touch and pleasure, can feel uncomfortable, in some cases, frightening. Possibly you just numb out.
If your goal is to have a better relationship with your partner then anxiety might be affecting your need to control. Every. Little. Situation. Because. Life. Is. Just. Too. Fucking. Dangerous. This need to control is exhausting your partner who in turn feels overwhelmed in wanting to support you but also not able to, because, well, when you’re anxious there is no way to ‘reason’ yourself out of an anxious state.
Maybe your anxiety is in the form of an anxious attachment style? This one was a big one for me personally. Needing to feel reassurance all the time that your partner still loves you, while at the same time you are looking for reasons which show that they do not. Because you aren’t worthy. Because you aren’t enough.
Maybe your anxiety is preventing you from being intimate with a new partner emotionally and physically? You are frequently in danger mode and you jump or flinch when touched or shut down in vulnerable conversations.
What if you desire to stand up for yourself and have better boundaries? But your anxiety holds you back from this because you learnt as a child that standing up for yourself was in some way dangerous, so you learnt to stay quiet and accept things. This leaves you feeling trapped.
In dating, anxiety can affect who you choose to date and how you go about dating because when you are in a constant state of danger, everybody and everything can feel like a threat.
How is anxiety blocking your access to delicious sex, profound love and authentic relationships?
It doesn’t need to.
You are not alone in this.
And it can change.
Lots of love
Carla Crivaro is a trauma-informed and certified Sex, Love & Relationship Coach, she works with men and women internationally to reach their goals in delicious sex, profound love and authentic relationships. Carla helps men and women understand themselves and each other, sexually and relationally, in and out of the bedroom. You can reach her at firstname.lastname@example.org.