I’m a finalist in the Enterprise Vision Awards 2022! The awards recognise women in business who inspire others or at the forefront of their profession.
My emotions are mixed. And this morning I had to take some time out to sit with what I was experiencing. Well I say sit, in these situations I tend to actually lie down as I work out what I'm feeling!
So here is what I noticed…
Excitement! I love wearing a frock and having a night out and it will be such a great opportunity to meet so many amazing women in business. It’s going to be a fun evening. Whichever way the voting goes I am looking forward to being involved!
Imposter syndrome! My business is fairly new and there some absolutely amazing women I have met in the North West who really are making some big differences to their communities, the north west and also the world at large. After an amazing workshop with Laura Kingston from Leap Career Coaching, I understand that often I hold myself back waiting to be ‘perfect’ before wanting to move forward. Embracing the fact that imperfection is good and perfection may never be, I have pushed myself through many comfort zones to get to where I am. So focusing instead on celebrating that, while simultaneously giving my imposter syndrome 'part' a hug - it’s wanting to protect me and keep me safe.
Determination! Having gone through, and of course still on, the journey of healing my sexuality, I know how important it is to talk about this work in the mainstream. It’s really easy for me to sit around in sex positive spaces surrounded by sex positive people and talk about sex. It’s easy for me to talk to people who are actively working on their self-development and are taking responsibility for their own behaviours and patterns in relationships.
What has been difficult is going to women’s networking events talking to people who may have their own insecurities about their own sexuality that they are not aware of and have those projected back onto me as I talk about sex. Or stepping into a room of people who feel very wounded by past relationships and point the finger at men for the problems in the world, and then I advocate on behalf of men that they feel pain too and want to be seen but just don’t know how to ask for it and fear the vulnerability. Trying in the best way I can to bridge the gender divide and bring men and women closer together.
Fear of winning! The expectation and pressure that I will no doubt want to put on myself if I win which would mean I would have to outperform the following year. The expectation from everyone and the watchful eye of ‘what will she do next’. The internal struggle of needing to prove myself vs I am good enough as I am.
Drive! I am so passionate about what I do. The transformation in my life from healing my sexuality has had a massive impact in how I show up in the world. It’s impacted how I relate to myself and those around me. Doing the work on myself has meant I have invited in some absolutely amazing people into my life who want the very best for me because they see how important this work is!
Pride! I am more comfortable with experiencing all my emotions and returning to grounded presence. Women’s bodily autonomy and sexuality has never been as important as it is now. Bringing women into a place where they are comfortable in their skin at all levels. Creating a space for men to explore their emotions and find their true authentic expression of masculinity rather than the one society has already put upon him. Therefore the pride is in being a leader in the north west in talking about these issues, I feel a huge sense of being a part of something so much more bigger than me.
Hope! I’m hoping that this visibility in the world of the ‘mainstream’ will bring into the awareness of the average person that one’s own sexuality, relationship to self and others is important. For me, being a finalist is about raising the profile of everyone who works as a healer in the sex and relationship industry. It’s about bringing to the forefront how important it is to heal childhood wounds; trauma; shame; and, social, familial and religious conditioning which are some of the elements preventing people from fully loving themselves, stepping into their authentic self and trusting their body so they can call in the love, relationship and access to pleasure in the way they truly deserve.
Sex, love and relationships are at the very heart of who we are as human beings. Sex - we have sex for pleasure, our sexuality drives who we fundamentally are as human beings and it influences every area of our lives whether we are conscious of it or not. Love - we all want to be loved. From the moment we are born we want to be accepted for exactly who we are. Relationships - research shows that having relationships and being in communities mean we have a longer life span. As social creatures, relationships are essential to our physical health and wellbeing.
Sex, love and relationships, are the bringer of our biggest joys. They can also be at the very heart of our pain and in some cases dysfunction. Being a finalist isn’t about me, it’s about highlighting all of these issues.
It’s about engaging people to understand that they are not broken.
It’s about creating the awareness that there are people who can support them.
It’s about giving people the opportunity to come back to themselves.
To fully live a life that is rich in meaning and purpose.
Carla Crivaro is a trauma-informed and certified Sex, Love & Relationship Coach, she works with men and women internationally to reach their goals in delicious sex, profound love and authentic relationships. Carla helps men and women understand themselves and each other, sexually and relationally, in and out of the bedroom. You can reach her at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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