Celebrating 50 Years Of Marriage

My speech at my parent's wedding anniversary celebration:

Nothing in life is permanent.

Life is in a constant state of flux.

Ebb and flow.

Transient.

An evolution.

Which is why trying to control our external environment is futile. At the heart of our life’s journey, the only thing we have control over is our reaction and response to what life brings us.

This is why our relationship to Self and our relationships with others are so important.

The changing nature of our external environment is a lesson and journey and evolution of our soul.

As life moves through cycles, rhythms and transformation, so do we, to keep up with it. And as a consequence, so do our relationships.

As a couple and as individuals, choosing wisely those we surround ourselves with to support us in this growth enables us to move into greater emotional intimacy and trust, and to reflect back to us where and how we can meet each other with more love and care.

The relationships we have at any one point in our lives are a reflection of Self. They are mirrors. They are our most impactful teachers.

It’s from our relationships that we birth our deepest desires. It’s from our relationships we learn of our core fears, pains and insecurities.

The most profound thing I have learnt in my work as a Sex & Relationship Coach is that our greatest longings as human beings are to feel loved, seen, understood, wanted, chosen and fully accepted for who we are.

Our choices, conscious and unconscious, are reflecting back to us those deep desires and where we aren’t being met in the way we would like.

The most difficult thing most of us struggle with is the ability to see those mirrors and then, if and when we do, is to share them with the people we love - because sharing our heart and our depth can be the most frightening thing we can do. Why? The fear of being misunderstood or rejected if we don’t receive the response we wanted.

What I see is that our movement towards deeper emotional intimacy is learning how to open, to share, to truly understand oneself and if we choose a life partner, to continue to understand them.

Understanding takes the form of listening. It’s curiosity. It’s recognising that the person we married 50 years ago is very different to the person we know now. Can we give them the grace and love to allow them to step into that updated version of themselves, without holding onto what is now the outdated idea we have of who they are?

In fact, a new person we meet now will be very different to the person we will know them as in an hour.

Because, as we change and grow, so do those around us. Which means relationships, when we allow them to be, can be a constant state of rediscovery of Self and the Other.

And so, I wish and hope for my parents as they continue their individual and joint evolution that they do so with fun, warmth, curiosity, care and love to support and guide each other forward.

Carla Crivaro is a trauma-informed and certified Sex, Love & Relationship Coach, she works with men and women internationally to reach their goals in delicious sex, profound love and authentic relationships. Carla helps men and women understand themselves and each other, sexually and relationally, in and out of the bedroom. You can reach her at hello@carlacrivaro.com.