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Dear Midlife Podcast: Chasing Opposing Attachment Styles

I was recently interviewed on the Dear Midlife Podcast about my work in supporting individuals improve their relationship, with a better understanding of attachment styles. I loved my conversation with hosts Trinity and Shelby because we really dug into and exposed how to uncover your attachment style and best practices for navigating relationships with opposing styles. The women were great at getting vulnerable about their own relationships, patterns and traumas so we could really explore how attachment shows up, what it looks like and how we can bring awareness to these parts of ourselves to heal them.

This episode turned into a little mini-coaching session for Trinity! It was fascinating to dig into her personal relationship with her ex as the perfect case study, in this instance, to unpack attachment styles.

In this episode looked at the importance of connecting to emotions and tuning into our own behaviors and getting curious about them...which is how we learn to trust ourselves.

In this episode we discussed:

1. The inevitability that different attachment styles will be attracted to one another and how to navigate these differences Attachment styles Secure attachment is characterized by strong relationships, trust, affection, resilience, and self-esteem. Anxious attachment styles crave intimacy but are afraid of getting close to other people. They seem needy and worry that their partner doesn’t really love them. Avoidant attachment styles have a hard time forming close relationships. They are independent and tend to hide their emotions and feel compelled to withdraw when people get too close. Disorganized attachment styles tend to be a mix of anxious and avoidant. While they crave intimacy and connection, they tend to avoid relationships

2. The fact that individuals will never be 100% secure in their attachment but will just able to manage their own nervous system in a better way

3. The importance of being very specific and clear about your intentions with a partner.

4. How women assume the role of caretaker because it helps us feel needed, but this can be disempowering as well and can cause us to lose our own identity

5. How to listen to your body rather than looking for red flags. When you have a true sense of security and trust yourself, you can stop running and actually get curious about your feelings.

Carla Crivaro is a trauma-informed and certified Sex, Love & Relationship Coach, she works with men and women internationally to reach their goals in delicious sex, profound love and authentic relationships. Carla helps men and women understand themselves and each other, sexually and relationally, in and out of the bedroom. You can reach her at

Other resources which are supportive around this topic are:


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