When your woman says to you in bed…
She wants you to continue doing EXACTLY what you’re doing!
Not harder, not faster, not in a different place…and definitely, whatever you do, don’t stop!
How well you are listening in your relationship is a good indication of how well you’re likely to be listening in the bedroom.
When your partner starts talking, do you tend to shut off? Your mind goes elsewhere? Possibly disassociation, disconnection or you feel threatened in some way?
If this is happening to you outside the bedroom I really invite you to take a look at this and explore what it is about the interactions that have you behaving in this way.
Understanding your own programs and patterns around this means you can become more aware when you do it and change the pattern and do something different.
It also means that you can become aware of where you’re doing this inside the bedroom too.
It’s very possible that your partner has learnt not to be able to communicate to you how she feels due to the disconnect she feels when approaching you about topics.
The problem this creates is that in the bedroom, she can end up following the same pattern. She will be quiet about what she likes and what she doesn’t, and could potentially even be faking it - just so that it will finish.
Many women have learnt that it isn’t safe to be in their bodies and fully present in the bedroom and have begun ‘performing’ what they think they ‘should’ look like.
Men, I’m telling you it doesn’t need to be this way.
Communication creates intimacy. Intimacy creates a space for vulnerability. Vulnerability allows a woman to fully give in her sexuality and as a result, surrender in bed.
And when she goes there - there’s no doubt in your mind that she’s there.
Carla Crivaro is a trauma-informed and certified Sex, Love & Relationship Coach, she works with men and women internationally to reach their goals in delicious sex, profound love and authentic relationships. Carla helps men and women understand themselves and each other, sexually and relationally, in and out of the bedroom. You can reach her at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Other articles and podcasts which are supportive around this topic are: